Silent Scream
by AquaianGoddess
Summary: wooooooooooooooooo, so this is what depression does to you. Go on, read it, reveiw it and tell it sucks (if it does)


Slient Scream  
By: AquaianGoddess  
  
Rating: R for depresstion, cursing and an eventual, detailed, death.  
  
Disclaimer: The Animorphs aren't mine, but Catorsha (Cat-ore-Sha) Tamplar belongs to me.  
  
Summery: When an old friend of Jake and Marco turns up in the forrest, what more can they do besides bring her back to their camp?  
  
A/N: This is a very depressing story. I wrote it because I'm depressed, plus I'm sick so I'm all for it.  
  
*Text* = Thoughts  
  
Please reveiw and enjoy.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
Catorsha:  
  
I walked through the forest, looking for a place to, well, you'll know soon enough. My name is Catorsha. Catorsha Tamplar. I was always told it was a beautiful name. An exotic name. Why did I tell you my full name? you ask. Because I want to die. My life has fallen apart and I can't give two shits anymore. I found a meadow, it was peaceful enough. I stood by the riverbank, the river lead to a waterfall, that was good. I pulled out my pocket knife and flipped open the blade. Then a rustle from behind me, I shoved my, now closed, pocket knife back into my pocket and whirled around to see the face of a old, and no longer, friend of mine.  
  
"Catorsha? Is that really you?"  
  
Jake:   
  
I couldn't believe it. Catorsha was standing right there by the riverbank. Catorsha, whom I haven't seen since the begining of sixth grade. "Catorsha? Is that really you?" Her once entirely ebony hair was now streaked with dark purple and electric blue. I could see a glimpse of bright blue fishnet stockings through the holes in her black, ripped jeans and her purple t-shirt read "To thine own self be true." in glow-in-the-dark fabric paint. There was a black fishnet long sleeved shirt under that. Her green-grey eyes seemed to have lost their shine.  
  
"And you would care because?" Was her voice always that cold?  
  
"It's me, Jake. I've missed you Catorsha."  
  
"Right. Okay. I'll play along. How've you been, Jake?" She said. I was confused. What did she mean, she'll play along?  
  
"I've been through hell and back. You?"  
  
"I figured world domination wouldn't work so I've been home."  
  
"Holy shit. Come on. I want Marco to see you."  
  
"Hold up, he's dead." She glared at me. *SHIT!* I had forgetten, Marco was supposed to be dead.   
  
"Well. I'll explain that on the way there." And I did.  
  
Catorsha:  
  
He told me everything. From the begining of the war, to now. He even told me about his first kiss with Cassie. Then we reached camp. Jake walked out ahead of me, to tell everyone that I was coming. I stayed hidden in the shadows that the setting sun was casting.  
  
"Jake, there you are. We were worried." Marco said, walking up to him.  
  
"Sorry. But you'll never believe who I found."  
  
"Who? Carmen Electra? Pamala Anderson? Lara Croft?"  
  
"Catorsha Tamplar."  
  
"Catorsha?! She's here?! Why didn't you...." he trailed off as I stepped out. "Catorsha?"  
  
"Hey there Marco." *That's right you shit,* I thought, silently seething, *act like you really missed me. Act like you didn't ignore all my calls, letters and emails.*  
  
"How've you been?"  
  
"Awful. And I hear you're trying to save the world, so you can't be doing much better."  
  
"Right. Come, sit by the fire and meet the others."  
  
I sat down on a log next to Marco as Jake walked over to the goblin-like demon he called Toby. I was then introduced to Ax, and Tobias. I like your shirt. Tobias said. I shruged.  
  
Why is your hair so many different colors? Ax asked me. It felt like his main eyes were boring into my head, as he still suspected I was a yeerk, even after Marco repeatedly told him I wasn't.  
  
"I like it this way." I pulled out my cigarette pack and my lighter. "You mind?"  
  
"When did you start smoking?" Cassie asked, looking alittle shocked.  
  
"In seventh grade." I said, lighting my last one and inhaling deeply. "It's a bitch of a habit to have, but at least it's not weed." I smirked at her shocked expression and took another drag.   
  
"Why'd you start?"  
  
"Do you really need to know?" I asked, it came out shaper than I intended, but hey, what business is it of hers what I do?  
  
"Okay, new topic. How long are you gonna stay here with us?" Rachel asked. She never did like me much.  
  
"As long as she wants." Marco cut in, glaring at her. I flicked my ash into the fire and stood up. "Where are you going?"   
  
"Jake's headed this way. I figure he'd have a shit fit if he saw me smoking, besides, no need for you all to have to breath in second-hand smoke, aye?" I really just wanted to get out of there. I couldn't be around them. I walked away towards the edge of camp and sat down. I was close enough to hear their conversation, but far enough away for them to be satisfed that I couldn't hear. *Stupid shits.* I thought angrily as I finished off my cigarette and crushed it under my steel-toed boot.  
  
Marco:  
  
"I can't believe you said that Rachel! Why not just say it outright instead of sugar-coating it?!"  
  
"Say what?!" She yelled back at me.  
  
"That you don't want her here! That you want her gone!" I shouted. There was somthing about the way Catorsha had looked at Jake and me that worried me. Her smoking habit also worried me too. I haven't seen her in five years, and I wanted to know what caused all this!  
  
"She could be a yeerk, Marco."  
  
"You saw the way she acted around Ax! Do you really think a yeerk could stand to be around an Andalite long enough to not blow their cover? Do you think a yeerk would allow a habit like smoking to continue?"  
  
She opened her mouth to say something, but she was cut off, "What I want to know is, why is she here?" Cassie asked, looking up, "Not here in the camp, but here in town? I thought she moved before sixth grade started."  
  
"I don't know." Jake said, shrugging.   
  
"She didn't move, she ran away." I muttered.  
  
"I don't like her. There's something about her I don't like."  
  
"You never liked her, Rachel." I spat. She was really starting to get to me. Then I saw Catorsha. When did she get here, behind Rachel. She was glaring at her and I shivered.  
  
"Admit it, Rachel." Catorsha's icy voice said. "You don't want me here."  
  
"It's not that she doesn't want you here...." I started. I was suddenly paniced at the thought of her leaving. There was so much to talk to her about!  
  
"I don't want to hear it, Marco. You've never liked me, either, so don't lie to me. It's bad enough that I never got a responce to the emails and the letters I sent, or all the times I called. I didn't get a word from you OR Jake! So if I'm not wanted here, I'll leave and do what I came out here to do in the first place!" She turned on her heel and ran off into the woods.   
  
"CATORSHA!" I shouted, and started to go after her. Rachel, half morphed bear, held me back. "Let me GO! I have to go after Catorsha!"   
  
I'll find her Marco. There's still enough daylight for me to see. Tobias flew off.  
  
I felt Rachel demorph and shoved her away, "Why'd you stop me?!"  
  
"Because there's something about her I don't like!"  
  
"She tried to contact us?" Jake asked.  
  
"I don't know, I never got anything from her!"  
  
"Well, we can't excatly acces our email acounts."  
  
"Marco, I think I remember her calling once, it was on your birthday....." My dad said.  
  
"And you didn't tell me?"  
  
"I forgot!"  
  
"Until NOW?!"  
  
"Let's just wait here until Tobias brings her back." Cassie said, a hand on my shoulder and my dad's.  
  
Catorsha:  
  
I went back to the meadow where Jake found me and pulled out my pocket knife, and held the blade over my wrist.  
  
Don't.  
  
"Go the fuck away, Tobias. I don't need your shit."  
  
They'll blame themselves for this, if you die.   
  
"They caused it." I said. Tobias swooped down, tring to grab the knife from me, I jumped outof the way and slashed my wrist. I could feel the blade graze the bone as blood spilled everywhere. I switched the knife to my other hand and did the same to my other wrist. Blood spilled over my arms and my hands onto the grass below.  
  
YOU IDIOT! Tobias screamed in my head.  
  
"Do me a favor." I said, I could feel myself weakening from losing so much blood.   
  
Anything.  
  
"Tell them that I hated them from the day I started smoking and I'll always hate them. Tell them that I died hating them. Tell Marco and Jake that I always loved them like brothers." Then I threw myself into the river. I passed out shortly after.  
  
  
Tobias:  
  
You may think of me as a monster for not acting more upset about Catorsha's suicide, but I didn't know her all that well, but never let it be said that I didn't try and stop her. I flew back after I watched her body dissapear down the river.  
  
"Tobias! You're back! Where's Catorsha?" Marco asked, jumping to his feet once he saw me.  
  
She killed herself. He paled and rocked back on his heels, She slashed her wrists. I tried getting the knife away from her, I really did. She told me to tell you all the she hated you. And she told me to tell you an Jake that she loved you like brothers. Jake sat down and shook his head. She said that it was all your faults. I've never met anyone so depressed.  
  
"Gods. I feel.... empty. I know I should feel sad, but I feel nothing. Like I'm watching a movie or something." Marco said. Actually I think he was babbling. Babbling because he felt he had to say something. He got up. "I'm going to go look for her, maybe give her a decent burial." He ran off, and thanks to my excellent hearing, I heard a broken sob. Shit, I hated this. But at least she's free.   
  
Free.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: Whoa. I think I'll end it here. It's creeping me out. Umm, reveiw, please.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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